Dedication
by armless-phelan
Summary: Two women, one on the cusp of heartbreak. The other dedicates herself to her queen's happiness, even if it breaks her own heart in the process...
1. Chapter 1

Dedication Chapter One: Duty 

She walked down the castle's hallway. Her armour clinked and the cold floor beneath echoed the sound of her boots. It had changed since the final battle, her armour. Now she wore thick leather instead of chain mail, and no longer was there a helmet perched atop her head. Long brown hair cascaded over her face freely, hiding the patch over her right eye.

The eye had been lost during a particularly vicious battle with a grand dragon on the Lindblum/Burmecia border when she was still training to be a knight. A claw had gouged it out: one that had nearly taken off her entire head. She survived by casting Cura on herself before stabbing the mighty beast in the heart with her Coral Sword. Of course, she no longer carried that weapon. Hanging in the sheath at her side was a sword of more prominence. She had cut out the heart of a Griffon with it, slain a hundred men, and even used it to fight the forces of Queen Brahne as Princess Garnet escaped the castle. Garnet was the Queen now, and Beatrix was still a general in the Alexandrian military. Her sword was christened _God Save the Queen_, but Beatrix merely referred to it as _God_.

It was night, and a torch hung in a bracket, casting dim light that left several feet of darkness before the mighty warrior stepped in the luminous protection of its sister torches. She was not afraid, though. There was a determined resolution burning in her heart as she traveled the halls of the castle of Alexandria. It burned brighter than the torches that lit her way.

Her orders, from the Queen's mouth itself, were harshly clear: find Zidane. Beatrix would do anything for Garnet. It was her duty. How would she accomplish this task, though? There were no clues as to his location, no indications that the man Steiner loathed but the Queen loved was even amongst the living.

"A little late to be up, isn't it?" one of the night guards asked. It was a man, a rarity in the Alexandrian military. That meant it was one of the Knights of Pluto, Steiner's charges. Brahne had given them to him after the death of her husband, more to keep Steiner out of her hair than any actual respect for the only other human who served the monarchy with everything he possessed. Garnet once told a tale of how Steiner tried to trick her into going back to the castle shortly after her "kidnapping" by Tantalus. The plan was to get her onboard an airship headed for Alexandria while claiming its destination was Lindblum.

Beatrix had a hand in the destruction of Cleyra and the downfall of Burmecia, but Lindblum was after she had turned on her Queen. Brahne had used one of the Eidolons extracted from her adopted daughter to destroy the mighty regency, killing many in the process. She had also used an Eidolon to wipe out Cleyra. Ashamed to admit it now, Beatrix had gone along with the wanton destruction of the peaceful nation. Of course, she opposed the use of Eidolons. Why use them when you had an entire army at your disposal?

"Yes, but I have matters to attend to," Beatrix responded briskly. The man stepped into the light and she saw that it was Weimar, the self-proclaimed ladies' man. The description stuck, despite the fact that it was wholly inaccurate. Every woman he had expressed an interest in turned him down.

"And what might those be?" he asked curiously. She couldn't blame him. In the times of peace and diplomacy following the destruction of the Lifa Tree, there was little need for a military. Life had grown dull and Beatrix had little else to do.

"What do you think?"

"You're following up a lead on _him_, aren't you?"

There was no need for the general to answer. He already knew the answer to his own question. By sunrise, everyone in the castle would know. Someone in Dali had reported seeing a man with a tail wandering on the outskirts of the small village. Beatrix was dispatched to investigate the claims by Garnet herself.

Weimar stepped back into the shadows to let the woman pass. She knew he would watch her until she disappeared around a corner. Everyone would watch her, wonder why she would lower herself to becoming the Queen's "gopher" when she had once been so much more. Beatrix doubted that Garnet even took the general's pride into consideration. Yet, whenever she would be asked as to why she ran around the world looking for a dead man, Beatrix would answer with three words:

"It's my duty."

"What?" Weimar called down the dark hall. Beatrix mentally kicked herself as she realized she had uttered the words aloud.

"It's nothing. Resume your duties," Beatrix ordered even though they both knew she had no power over him. The Knights of Pluto were strictly Steiner's domain. Still, from the silence that followed her words, the general assumed the knight had listened to her anyway.

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_Where are you? I've been waiting so long,_ Garnet thought as she looked out of the sole window in the royal chambers. It overlooked the harbour and the young Queen would spend hours looking out the window at the wide ocean, hoping and praying that one of the incoming ships carried her love.

Her heart was heavy. Garnet was seventeen and would have to marry soon. Alexandrian law clearly stated that she would have to wed on the eighteenth anniversary of her birth. Whether it was her actual birthday or that of the real Garnet was unknown to the Queen. She was just a child when the late King and Queen of Alexandria had secretly adopted her and thrust the weight of royalty onto her shoulders. Garnet almost envied her dead counterpart, since she would never have to live through the responsibilities of the crown.

She watched as the royal ship departed from the harbour and crept into the open water. It was Beatrix out looking for Zidane yet again. Why did he have to go back for Kuja? The "pretty boy" had done nothing but cause them trouble. He was the one who warped her mother's mind, and he was the one who orchestrated the war between the three great nations, not to mention Cleyra. Kuja had Bahamut attack the castle and nearly destroyed all of Alexandria. He created the Black Mages and manipulated them when they became "aware."

Garnet fell warmth in her hands and brought them up out of her lap. In her anger, she had punctured her palms with her delicately manicured fingernails. It was odd; she didn't feel any pain. Actually, ironic would be a better way to put it. All she felt was pain, a dull ache that would remain until Zidane was returned to her.

"Princess?" a man called out, followed by the clinking of metal armour. Right away, Garnet knew that it was Steiner. She was the Queen by right and title, but he still called her "Princess" out of affection and, she suspected, confusion. Even though it had been well over a year since the coronation, Steiner would be caught referring to the Queen as Brahne. It was sad, almost as though he were trying to will the events of that time away. "Princess, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine, Steiner," Garnet said as she wrapped her hands in her skirt to hide the blood. There was no sense in worrying the poor man. "What is it that you need?"

"I'm just reporting that Beatrix has departed," he said with a salute that caused his armour to rattle. The princess sighed and turned back to the window.

"Thank you, Steiner," she mumbled as she looked up to the moon. The Queen was unaware that in that moment the bright orb and its stars were reflecting in her eyes. "You are dismissed."

"Princess," the captain of the Knights of Pluto pleaded. "It has been over a year. You must move on. There are several…"

Garnet scoffed angrily and turned back to the man that had been like a father to her. "I know that there are suitors. I don't care. I would gladly give up this entire kingdom just for a moment with him!"

The knight said nothing more as he turned away and skulked out of the room with Garnet's eyes locked onto his back. When he left, she stood from her perch by the window and walked to the door. With her feet covered by the ample amount of fabric, it was almost as though she were gliding.

"Zidane," she whispered as she closed the door and collapsed against it. "Please come back to me."

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A/N: I don't really plan on continuing this. It's just something to tide you guys over until chappy 24 of TCBT is finished! Sorry it's taking so long.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: After some thought, and a little boredom and writer's block on my other fics, I've decided to resurrect this one after all. I don't know if I can catch the same tone/mood set in the first chapter. Still, hopefully this will make all of you who enjoyed it so much the first time happy.

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The two women saluted Beatrix after the ship docked. She dismissed them and looked back to the open sea. Again, the mission had been a failure. Everyone had expected it. The General suspected that even the Queen herself believed that it would turn out this way. Just as all the others had. Yet, she still had to inform Garnet of her inability to find a man that should, by all rights, be dead.

Her head hung, not so much that others could see, but just enough that Beatrix herself could tell. If anyone were to look at her, they wouldn't see the regret she was feeling at being unable to do the one thing she had always been able to do. Under Queen Brahne, even during that last year of the deceased life in which she fell under the control of Kuja and her own greed, the knight had always been able to complete the missions she had been assigned. Beatrix had decimated Cleyra. She had defended the royal house by those who plotted against it with a flash of steel or a blast of magic. But she was ashamed to admit that she could not even find one boy.

With an inward sigh, Beatrix approached the castle. Her heart grew heavier with each step.

"General," the guard posted at the entrance saluted, but the brown-haired woman ignored the other as she walked up the steps and through the open door.

She hated doing this. For over a year, Beatrix had reported letdown after letdown. Each time, she grew sadder and sadder as she watched the hopeful face on the young girl fall. Today would be no different.

Steiner had comforted the General after her first half-dozen failures, but they had grown distant. The closeness they had shared after the love letter incident was gone. If anything, the two avoided each other more than they had before their Queen had run away. Secretly, Beatrix believed Steiner blamed her for the depression that Garnet had fallen into. And, just as secretly, she believed he was right. There was nothing that could appease the Queen except Zidane's return. Nobody dared to tell her that it would not happen. They just all bowed their heads and scurried away in search of a boy with dirty blonde hair and tail.

On more than one occasion, Beatrix had spoken with Baku or one of the lesser members of Tantalus. Each time she walked with no more information and no more hope than she had prior. They investigated Zidane's whereabouts on their own the first few months after his disappearance, but eventually even they gave up hope. The only ones who still had any hope at all were Garnet and her loyal female knight. The Queen hoped because she refused to give up on a love that had grown almost desperate, and Beatrix hoped because she wanted nothing more than to see the girl she had once turned on her own kingdom for happy.

Servants, Ministers, and even other knights watched as she passed. They all knew where she had gone and why. They also knew the results. Beatrix was alone, which meant she had failed. That was why nobody asked how she was or welcomed her home. It used to be that they lined the halls for her triumphant return, ears stretched out in hopes of catching as snippet of conversation as the General relayed to her subordinates the grand tales of her many adventures.

Thoughts of whether or not her news would be greeted with another request, supplicated by some bothersome liar's testimony, to find him entered her mind. Beatrix shook them away even though such a thing had already happen on more than one occasion. No, she needed to find the easiest way to let her Queen down.

She always failed at that, too.

Soon enough, the knight found herself outside Garnet's quarters. When she had first docked, the General had been assured that she was waiting for Beatrix. There was nobody in this area, and the silence inside told her that Steiner wasn't around, either. She hated when it was like this, just the two of them, because she could see the hurt and anguish on Garnet's face. The Queen retained a mask of in difference in front of her subordinates, but whenever it was just the two of them, and perhaps even the Queen and Steiner, she did not feel the need to hide her pain. And Beatrix always felt her own heart ache as she watched the beautiful young girl look out the window, as she tended to do, and sob.

The woman knocked, and a soft voice requested that she, Beatrix, enter. Already she knew who it was. Likely, orders had been given that none were to approach the Queen until she had spoken with her servant.

Metal hinges creaked as the door slowly opened, each second being delayed until the next in the hopes that she wouldn't have to see that face with its small, slightly optimistic smile playing on Garnet's lips. Unfortunately, she did find herself with the mass of wood out of her way all too soon, and that smile was there.

After closing the door, Beatrix kneeled without a word, her long brown hair hiding her conflicted face.

"You may rise," commanded the Queen in that same soft voice. For a second longer than she had to, Beatrix remained kneeling. She was not ready to face her Queen with such harsh but expected news. She never was.

"My Queen…" the woman began before being interrupted with a dismissive wave of a hand.

"Did you find him?" asked Garnet in a voice so soft and low the words could barely be made out. the smile was already gone, and the hand that had just silenced the knight was already wrapped around the armrest of the chair in which she sat, perfectly mirror its brother hand which was doing the same.

Beatrix's eyes found themselves glued to the floor as several seconds passed. She wished that it were a case of her boots being particularly interesting, but they were just brown leather, like any other pair.

"No, your Highness," she whispered because to speak any louder would upset the lead weight that had found its way into her stomach. "I spoke to anyone I could find, and none had seen anyone resembling him."

More silenced passed between the two women. Beatrix heard Garnet's breath catch as she fought back the tears, and then a minute she heard the wail as the dam burst. Still, she could not face her Queen even as her entire body seemed to grow cold. She wanted to run over and hug her, tell her that it would be okay. She also wanted to run from the room, to hide and cry by her lonesome because of the torture she was inflicting on one so young. Instead, she stood with her eyes locked on her uninteresting boots.

Emotions and thoughts ran rampant, each one contradicting the last as Beatrix considered each option she couldn't bring herself to take. She just listened to her Queen's heart shatter, feeling her own start to crack a little more with each gasp as Garnet fought to breathe. Why did they continue to do this to themselves?

"Please…" the girl begged someone who wasn't really there as she fell from her chair and onto the floor where Beatrix could see her. Her face was red and streaked with tears. Her hair flowed out around her head, covering the cold stone, and some stuck to the corners of her mouth, waving at the knight with each sob that racked the teenager's body.

Still, all Beatrix could do was stand think things that she never would, never could do. She missed the days when she could boast of how she had slaughtered a group of plotting bandits that attacked Nobles as they traveled to Alexandra from Treno. She didn't want to be standing there, watching the pillar of strength for her homeland crumble under the weight of something that the knight couldn't bear in her stead.

Nobody knocked on the door, asking if things were alright. Steiner didn't burst in demanding to know what had transpired. It was just the two. And Beatrix stood in that spot the entire night, until Garnet had fallen into a fitful sleep. Then she lifted the young Queen into her arms and carried her to the bed on the other side of the room. Her footsteps echoed hauntingly so as she walked the distance to the divan. Garnet, who finally seemed as young as she really was, curled up against the older woman.

Silently, the young girl was supported with one hand, a strength that was surprising only to those who did not know Beatrix, while the other pulled back the tightly made sheet and blanket. She slid the Queen into the bed and withdrew her hand slowly, so as not to wake her. Then, with the last of her superhuman strength, she pulled the blanket back over Garnet before laying her head on the freezing stone floor next to bed.

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A/N: Um… I'm really sure where this will be going other than the obvious, but it shouldn't be too long and, hopefully, updates won't take forever. I don't want to discontinue it either. So, just leave a review and let me know how this is doing, okay?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/N: I haven't really decided on how different perspectives I'm going to use or how often I'll alternate them, but right now it stands at just Beatrix and Garnet, with a possibility of Steiner. I also don't have any plans regarding Freya, Vivi, and the rest, or having any major OCs because, to be honest, all of that would complicate things way too much. I'm kind of making the rules up for this fic as I go along, so to speak.

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Garnet looked her breakfast over disdainfully. She had awoken in her bed, Beatrix asleep on the floor beside it. Then she remembered what had happened the night before and threw herself under the blanket she had been tucked under.

Steiner had walked in not long after. He caught sight of Beatrix's rising chest as she breathed in her sleep, and he had probably also noticed Garnet's red eyes. He knew what had happened, he always knew. He'd even been the one asleep beside the bed on a few occasions. They didn't trust her to be alone anymore. She really didn't trust herself to be alone anymore, even if that was how she always felt.

"You must eat, Princess," Steiner encouraged his surrogate daughter with a warm smile. "Your mother wouldn't want to see you like this."

"My mother is dead," she replied coolly as she pushed the dish away. Why couldn't anyone understand?

She caught sight of Beatrix as the General walked back into the room, wearing a fresh change of clothing. There was no armour. Just a simple peach blouse and mauve skirt. For a moment, her eyes met the knight's one. Nobody understood her pain. Nobody even tried. Nobody except for Beatrix, but even with her efforts the older woman could not understand the despair that not being able to be with the one you loved wrought.

"Good morning, your Majesty," the woman greeted with a bow that was unnecessary.

The Queen of Alexandria said nothing as she closed her eyes and tried to will away the memories of the night before. However, she could not. Knowing that once again Zidane had been ripped from her grasp was torture. Was it wrong for her to be selfish and want just this one thing? To hold him, kiss him, look into his eyes and know that he would never leave her. Except he had. He'd chosen his "brother" over her and left her this ruin of a woman. And she could not, could never bring herself to hate him.

"Princess…" Steiner's voice broke the reverie. She blinked, her vision blurred by the moisture in her eyes.

"Let me be," Garnet commanded as she turned away from two of the people that loved her most.

"I cannot." A calloused hand, rough from years of wielding a sword, was place in the Queen's. Beatrix sat on the side opposite Steiner, and even in her state Garnet could tell the two were actively avoiding looking at each other.

She told them that she wasn't a child. The Queen of the most powerful nation in the world was what she was. Rather than leave, though, Beatrix reached out with her free hand and allowed Garnet the respite of resting her head on the warrior's bosom while Steiner rubbed her back.

Even as she fought them, the tears came again. Beatrix's hand tightened supportively in her own and Steiner continued to rub her. Neither of the knights said anything. They just allowed her this moment.

After collecting herself to some extent, she looked at the food on her plate that had already grown cold. Garnet looked at it because she didn't want to look at the two people beside her, supporting her. She didn't want to look at the man rubbing her back. She couldn't face the woman holding her hand.

"Princess, for your eighteenth birthday, Tantalus is going to perform a play. They want to re-enact _I Want to be Your Canary_ in your honour." Steiner's voice was still loud and harsh, but he retained a softness in it that was only heard in deference to the fragile royalty.

She almost lost it again. That play… it was when she met _him_. It was when they had started their journey together. That play was what had set her on the path to loving him. It was at once the second best and second worst thing in her life. Second only to Zidane. And she knew why Steiner was talking about the play. It was to get her mind of the fact that she would need to be married soon. But what he didn't know was that she was already married. She had married Zidane in Conde Petie. And she could easily escape the upcoming nuptials by informing her people of this, but then they would call her a widow. His widow. Zidane's widow. But she couldn't do that to him or herself. Because he would come back. He promised that he would.

"Your Highness?" Beatrix whispered so as not to upset the precarious Queen. She squeezed her hand and somehow Garnet found the strength to look at her. There was no grin of superiority plastered on her like there had been as she grew up. No, Beatrix hadn't had that look since Garnet returned from the Lifa Tree. Garnet found herself missing it.

"I…" She didn't know what to say. She never knew what to say anymore. Yes, when she made speeches, Garnet pushed her feelings down and recited what she had been told, but when someone to know what _she_ would say, the words to express the void in her very existence never seemed to rise up.

"It's okay, Princess," Steiner assured her as he continued to rub her back.

Then she pushed her chair back, upsetting Steiner's gentle rhythm. The Queen of Alexandria stood with sagging shoulders and a hung head. "I think I'm going to have a bath."

She stepped away, her fingers falling out of Beatrix's grasp. And she found that her hand felt empty without someone there to comfort her. If nothing else, though, Garnet knew how to deal with emptiness.

When she arrived, the bath had already been drawn. Steam wafted, inviting her in. Garnet discarded her clothes and slid into the hot, welcoming water. It rippled outward as she allowed more of herself to enter the warmth. She savoured it for the precious seconds she had it before the cold from inside took back over.

Her hair grew heavy as it grew wet. She submerged for a moment. How easy it would be to just stay under the water, never rise. Never breathe. Maybe then she could be reunited with Zidane. If she could not have him in this world, then surely he would be waiting for her in the next with open arms and a dirty joke. She could feel his hands on her shoulders, his tail brushing against her face like she always dreamt. In that other world Zidane could love her, _choose her_. He would be with her rather than Kuja.

And then, behind her closed eyes, she could see him. He was waiting there, in the light. She was in the dark. And she ran to him. Zidane was so close. She could see his self-satisfied smirk on his face. He was holding out his hand, calling her name.

"…Garnet…"

It didn't matter to her that he had only ever called her "Princess" or "Dagger," or that the darkness around her began to ripple with the light encircling Zidane. This wasn't a dream where she ran and he only moved further away. She didn't feel her legs move at all. But he was growing closer. He was waiting for her in that next world. And she would get there; she would feel his arms as he embraced her.

"…Majesty…"

Again, she heard his voice, except it wasn't. Garnet didn't care. He was so close. Zidane was _right there_, and she could finally have him. She would have him!

Even as the darkness faded into the light, she could still hear him. She wanted to cry out his name but she couldn't breathe. Her heart was beating heavily in her chest. It felt as though it would burst out and touch him before the rest of her could. He was mere footsteps away. She reached out, but she was suddenly being pulled away. Garnet fought it, fought whatever was taking her away from him. But she was losing. Then her eyes opened.

The Queen didn't even bother to shake the water from her face before she opened her mouth, letting out the stale air. Then she sucked in oxygen and screamed. She screamed his name, she screamed her hatred at whoever had taken her away from him, but mostly she screamed because she could think of nothing else to do.

Strong arms pulled her into a hug. Held her close as the screams became something primal, something painful. She the drops of water on her cheeks were suddenly washed away by a saltier liquid. Garnet pressed herself deeper into the hug, the warmth of the water and cold of the bathtubs porcelain forgotten as she buried her face into a shoulder covered with long brown hair.

"Your Highness…" murmured the voice that taken her from Zidane. It was one that had been rough and commanding when it barked orders. Now, it was low and defeated. It was no longer a voice than demanded respect. It was a voice that was as weary and empty as the Queen. Garnet wanted to push away the owner of that voice. She wanted to hit whoever had stole her from Zidane. She wanted to hate the woman who had saved her life but damned it as well.

Instead, she just ignored the fact that while she cried, hair that wasn't her own made its way into her mouth, and she held onto the woman as though her life depended on it.

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A/N: And thus chapter three concludes. I honestly did not expect the suicide attempt. Did not. You can thank Revolutionary Girl Utena for that inspiration.

Well, I've run out of words. Just let me get started on the next chapter. Of this, R&R, or TCBT I don't know, but I'm going to get started on _something_.


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